I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
