oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wear drunk well.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
