so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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