take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
