I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
is it fun? or sober?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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