Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
