Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
