Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
