Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
