Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
