grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
