had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
