This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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