How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think people are normalizing furries
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
