They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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