u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
