its not stalking. its research.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
