I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
