Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
