he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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