So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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