That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i already hear my dad disowning me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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