i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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