Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
