My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
