I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
