I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
