Your face is a jimmy john
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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