why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I love having hate sex.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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