I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
