piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
