Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
