She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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