I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
God I need to hump something, right now.
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