I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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