CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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