i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
