but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
