Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hippo gnu deer
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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