There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
