just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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