would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
