batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
