non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
