ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
