Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
