I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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