I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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