yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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