i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize