i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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