if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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