College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm getting married
To pizza
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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