I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
