We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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