This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
FUCK WHALES
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
