Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
