we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
