Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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