Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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