I'm passing your future prison.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
