the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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